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Secrets of Spiritual Happiness

Secret #23 - Don't Let Others Bring You Down

 

By Sharon Janis

 

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My faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I can, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference.

- Jimmy Carter

 

Once, the sage Tulsidas saw a scorpion that was struggling to escape from a river. The scorpion was about to drown, when Tulsidas reached over and saved it.   The scorpion immediately stung Tulsidas.   In shock, Tulsidas dropped the scorpion back into the waters, where it began struggling again to keep from drowning.   Tulsidas again reached over and picked up the scorpion to save it from drowning.   The scorpion stung Tulsidas once again.   This happened three more times, before Tulsidas was finally able to toss the scorpion to safety in the wooded land around the river.  

A man who had been watching this whole incident walked over to Tulsidas, and asked him, "Are you crazy?"

Tulsidas replied, "It is the scorpion's nature to sting, and it is my nature to be helpful to all beings.   If the scorpion keeps its nature even in the face of death, why should I give up my compassionate nature in the face of his sting?"

One of the great challenges in life is to stay true to the best of what exists inside of us.   Others can either help to raise us up into greater levels of awareness, or they can keep us limited to their small views of who and what they think we are or should be.   This is one reason why I enjoy spending time alone.   In quiet and peaceful solitude, I find it much easier to remember my deeper wisdom, aspirations, and priorities, without getting as easily swept away by the desires and concepts of others.

At the same time, not everyone has such a loner's nature.   Therefore, the key is to find friends and acquaintances who support your growth into being the best that you can be.  

If you don't feel you have a choice about being in the company of folks who have distorted judgments about you, then you may want to use that experience as an opportunity to practice keeping your strength of character, even in the midst of their "scorpion stings".

When we stop being so concerned about what other people think of us, this one shift eliminates so many potential causes of unhappiness.   All of a sudden, we're not worried about every pound we gain.   We're not worried about being embarrassed from making a mistake, or about whether the clothes we're wearing have gone out of style, or about whether the people who we like to spend time with make us look good in other's eyes.   With freedom from the judgments of others, we don't have to feel compelled to go under the knife so that others will approve of our breast size, or to worry if some of our active hair follicles start thinning, or if a few gray hairs or wrinkles start popping up here and there - which they most certainly will, if we live long enough to grow old.

 

The man who makes everything that leads to happiness depend upon himself, and not upon other men, has adopted the very best plan for living happily.

- Plato

 

Instead of focusing on what others think about us, we can focus on what we think of ourselves.   An entire arena of potential unhappiness is dissolved when we simply stop worrying so much about what others think of us.  

With this one shift, you'll have the freedom to try something and then change your mind if you don't like it.   You won't be worried that people will judge you for quitting, even when your goal in quitting one path is to pursue what you hope will be a better road.   You can try and fail, and get right back up to try again if that is what your inner guidance says to do - without worrying that others will be gossiping about your initial failure.   What do people know of your deepest aspirations and dreams, of your faith and hopes and unrealized potential?   People usually only know what they can see, if that.  

If we try to please people's judgmental perceptions and opinions all the time, we'll be spending a great deal of our focus, energy, and other resources on a superficial dance of outer appearances that ultimately dissolves. So many of the things we do that keep us from being happy, and so many of the things we don't do that would make us happy, come from concern over what other people might say or think about us.  

Many have disregarded their deepest goals because they didn't want to disrupt whatever plans their family had made on their behalf.   Some may have been scheduled to go to college, but found something else that was their true calling.   Yet, many would squelch that inner passion and longing, just so nobody will get mad at them for going against expectations. Entire lives have been built on trying to please and impress others, with entire dreams for true happiness left, lost and abandoned, by the roadside.  

What's important in living a happy life is to have what you need and want, and not what other people will be impressed by, or what they think you should need or want.   And your other job is to strive to keep your needs and wants in harmony with your higher nature, and with the deep inner wellspring of soul wisdom that knows exactly what you truly need in every moment. Of course, it is fine and well to listen and take into account the advice of those whose opinions you respect, yet, once you are officially an adult in society's eyes, your life is your responsibility.   Don't let others bring you down!

Maybe you were born with a talent and love for playing musical instruments, but your macho father pushed you to spend your after school time in sports.   Maybe you had spiritual or artistic aspirations that were squelched by those who wanted you to focus on endeavors they thought were more important.   Maybe your parents wanted to be grandparents, and you decided to have children to fulfill those expectations.  

I remember years ago, while I was living a monastic life in the ashram, my grandmother tried to convince me to marry and have children.   Her main reason that one should have kids was so you'll have someone to take care of you when you're old.   What a gamble that is:   spend two decades of your life slaving away for a child you may not even want, with expectations of great rewards in the distant future - and hope that you don't end up with a Goth freak who hates you and runs away from home, or one of any other variety of possible outcomes that might keep you from getting your expected returns from this substantial investment. So many unwanted situations come from this one quality of caring too much about what other people think of us.

Even if you spend all your efforts to please everybody, truthfully, in the end, none of that really matters so much.   You may do everything that people want you to do, and then do one thing wrong, and find yourself being harshly judged anyway.

I first learned not to let others bring me down as a child, when my family moved from a simple, poorer city into a much wealthier suburb.   My sister and I experienced a great deal of prejudice from the other children, most of whom were much more well-dressed and well cared for than we were.   Of course, children can sometimes reveal the more animalistic tendencies of the untamed human nature, and I experienced many encounters with young ones who thought they could bring themselves up by pushing others down.   Although this was not a pleasant experience, it did teach me to hold my own in life, and to not let others bring me down - try, though they might.

For several years, until finally moving into the more pleasant and friendly waters of junior high school, I experienced being somewhat of an outcast.   Although the experience was often challenging, during this time, I also gained some precious blessings. Unlike many of my fellow classmates, I was not so focused on social hierarchies or childish spats.   I learned to enjoy being alone.   I became more inwardly focused, and found a certain peaceful enjoyment there.   I learned to watch the world, and to listen to my inner soul, even though I didn't call it that at the time.  

This inner growth prepared me, by age twenty, to make the biggest leap of trust that I'd made up till that point.   After being brought up as an atheist my whole life, I left right in the middle of college to pursue a monastic life.   I moved into the ashram of my guru, Swami Muktananda.

For me, leaving college to move into an Indian ashram at age twenty was definitely an unexpected twist - not only for me, but for my friends and family as well. After all, this took place in 1980, long before topics such as spirituality, yoga, gurus, or meditation became familiar and prevalent in society.   About the only spiritual books you could find in those days were pop-psychology paperbacks and old, occult-style books.   Moving into an ashram was simply not an acceptable choice to make in our suburban town.  

Yet, I thank God that I found the strength to follow my heart's calling, in spite of having to take the heat of other people's burned expectations.   In fact, because of the independent spirit I'd developed during my childhood years, I really didn't feel very much heat at all.   I was inwardly guided to take this surprising step, and nobody was going to be able to keep me down.

The next ten years of monastic life transformed and uplifted me from the inside, out.   I thank God every day that I was able to follow my own guidance instead of relying on the group mentality of my society at that time.   From this successful leap of faith, I learned that you don't need to have the approval of everyone else in order to be happy.   Therefore, my suggestion is to keep your focus on what you believe is right, while remaining open to any helpful suggestions that come from those around you.  

Even to progress in our spiritual evolution, we have to have some detachment from the opinions and expectations of others.   For example, if you have evolved to a point of seeing beyond certain limited perspectives, well, you can be sure that people who still have those limited perspectives aren't going to want you to come around and mess with them.   I remember years ago when, if I mentioned to someone that I did yoga, they would look shocked at my doing something so weird, or they may have made fun of me for doing something so strange.   Of course, now yoga is all over the place, but if I had waited to enjoy its benefits until the rest of society caught up to it, then I would have missed the best opportunities of my life.

Although you may find it beneficial to fit into whatever culture and social system you've taken birth into, you don't have to be limited by such structures in your own mind, heart, and soul.   Don't let others bring you down.

For example, if you believe that death is not bad, but is rather the passing of a soul into heaven, or back into its original nature, then don't let the anguish and sorrow of others keep you from trusting your higher vision when someone you know passes over. This is where the dual awareness explained earlier can also come in handy.   You can use the idea of dual awareness to feel and express the appropriate sadness for having lost someone, while also remaining anchored in faith and trust that all is well, and that the person is cradled in God's Loving Hands.

Don't let others keep you from singing the song you are here to sing in this grand symphony of life.   Find your song.   Find your essence.   Find your dreams.   Find your greatest destiny.   Find your path of harmony, and you'll also find spiritual happiness.

 

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Secrets of Spiritual Happiness

Table of Contents

by Sharon Janis

 

Introduction  

Preliminary notes to the reader

Section One: Exploring Happiness

Defining Happiness

The Science of Happiness

Why is Happiness So Elusive?

Happiness Comes From Within

Are You Already Happy?

Different Folks, Different Strokes (Quotes about Happiness)

 

Section Two: Introducing Spiritual Happiness

Coining the Term, Spiritual Happiness

The Difference Between Relative and Spiritual Happiness

Spiritual Happiness and the Happiness Hierarchy

What Spiritual Happiness Isn't

The Theories Behind Spiritual Happiness

Upgrading Your Spiritual Happiness Software

Spiritual Happiness in Action

Section Three: 39 Secrets of Spiritual Happiness

1. Relax!  

2. Inspire Your Atmosphere

3. Know Thyself   

4. Enjoy Being You

5. Remember Who You Really Are

6. Know Your Weakest and Strongest Links

7. Cultivate Dual Awareness

8. Happiness is a State of Mind

9. Learning to Smile

10. Play the Game of Life with Empowerment

11. Great Faith Brings Great Freedom

12. Count Your Blessings

13. There's Always Good News

14. Choose Happiness

15. If You're Going to Do Something, Do it Cheerfully

16. Be Aware of the Words You Use

17. Positive Communications Bring Greater Happiness

18. There's Always a Way to Create Happiness 

19. Arrange Your Priorities  

20. A Personal Sharing About Shifting Priorities

21. Don't let Others Tell You What Will Make you Happy       

22. Be Careful About the Company You Keep

23. Don't Let Others Bring You Down  

24. Don't Bring Others Down!  

25. Think Well of Everyone

26. Too Many Expectations Lead to Disappointment  

27. Be a Joyful Giver  

28. Be a Blessing  

29. Finding Grace in Challenges and Blessings From Tragedy  

30. Always Deal With God

31. Let Go of "Punishment Mentality"

32. Things Don't Have to be So Hard

33. Open Yourself to Inner Guidance

34. Do what Your Heart Knows is Right  

35. Uplift Your Motives

36. Trust the Perfection in Imperfection

37. See the Bigger Picture of Your Soul's Journey

38. Enjoy the Trip! 

39. Be Optimistic

 

 

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